Daddy Issue

As a young and fine lady who is well at the early days of her 20s, I am aware of myself having certain fantasies and desires related to older single men. Who are not too old that their bellies have somehow gradually popped out in proportion with their frequency of drowsiness. But not too young that they are not much different from my musty peers. These makes the act of actualising my fantasies much more complicated and even unrealistic. Who the f*ck really satisfies those criteria? And if there is one, why would he want a lady out of millions of ladies who are all granted the bless of Time to have somewhat a skinny body and a sweet darling face full of youth? As a result, there would be a constant battle between the urge to get what one is not really capable of getting or is simply prohibited to get, and the acknowledgement that certain moral binds or social norms make the costs of this whole big game too pricey given how uncertain or little the gains may be at the end of the road. 

What should one do in that diabolical situation? 

A straight-forward and expectable answer is “to do nothing and close your legs or just masturbate and then meditate to clean your mind”. But we humans want things that we cannot expect. We want drama and surprises to save us from our mundane life. So if one asks what would I do? Then let us sit down here together and “have a sip”. Remember we won’t try to solve anything, since that act of the rational mind only stirs up further the unreasonable heart. A proper negotiation can only happen when your enemy is not any less than your pal.

OK, you lady! Let us be fair. We are not saints. We humans have dirty thoughts and shameful intentions all the time. Having a daddy issue is not a rare disease. It is more common than you might have expected. The porn culture has shown us that. Or politics? Worse things occur in humans’ mind. So, if you think you are unsalvageable because of your fancying some single older men, read Murakami or Henry Miller then come back here and we talk. 

Admit it we are not a really honest creature. This social matrix means that certain things have to be fake for the order to be maintained. I’m not suggesting the maintenance of social orders is bad; after all, we don’t want protests to happen on a highway and revolutions to occur once every five years or less. However, it is important to acknowledge that the existence of social norms prohibits us from committing certain actions which may lead to certain consequences. Having urges and thoughts and desires does not bear an aftermath. You may think I am being a consequentialist here; you are certainly right. How else can one be alive, I mean “alive”, in this society? With a 9-5 job and taxes to pay? Forget it! Imagination and the transcendence of mundanity is the life juice of humans. Without those f*cking weird urges and dreams, one happened to be “the hot single older man who plays sports”, we are soulless. Those dreams and unfulfilled desires are the unfinished stories we retreat to whenever the reality hits us a bit too hard. Of course, I do not dismiss the more “humanistic-friendly” fantasies. I’m simply trying to normalise the existence of the less-so versions.

And why do some of us fancy older men? I don’t believe it’s because of their age. We won’t find the appearance of a man delightful if he is unhealthily fat and smells bad and acts like a creep assh*le. We like a man because he is in good shape, lovely, friendly, smart, trustworthy, mature, etc., and happens to be a bit too old for us young women. And let us not dismiss an even more critical point of the argument. The relationship is forbidden. We like to do things we shouldn’t do and are told not to do. We are a dramatic creature, I told you. We like drama in movies, and we wish it would happen in our own lives. 

So, what’s the point of all the writing I have done here? You may ask. I was about to say “no point just opinion” but then realised that would probably kick me out of your weekly reading list. Hence my attempt to generate a point here. The point is that for you ladies to understand it’s not a rare disease to have a little hidden crush on an older man with wonderful attractive traits. Although be careful they may be baits! I need to reference “My Dark Vanessa” here, please have a read ‘cause I finished it within two settings. Sit down and analyse the case before committing to any actions in your own life. Your feelings don’t count but your acts may hurt. 

It is then, for older men out there (I honestly cannot categorise you by a number indicating an age), to probably gain a bit of the pride for yourselves should you wish. (Why not!?!!) But hey, don’t bite! Keep on being a proud fine man and don’t devastate us young ladies with the collapse of your social pretence. Unless, you are more than sure it’s “love”. But then what does love mean in this case? Sociologists are highly concerned it’s stained by power imbalance, but I will leave it here for you to have some thoughts for now. 

After all, be good humans. Be good citizens! 

BY LYNN NG.